I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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