Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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