My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Text me some of your sweat
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
