btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
