I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
