Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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