I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
