Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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