Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
