Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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