He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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