Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
