Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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