can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
it glows. i had to have it.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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