ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
