ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just made out with a guy for $7.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
