he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
