I wish I could punch you in the face.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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