im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
