I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
