I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
that's an acceptable place to lick
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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