If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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