God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Shame is for Republicans.
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