she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
