I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
