as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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