we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
