I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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