around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
