After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
