They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
