You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
