He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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