well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
everyone is single if you try hard enough
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
