i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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