I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm too high and old for this...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
