It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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