1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
