exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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