My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
