I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
