There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
