What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
