Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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