Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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