i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
