you guys were way drunker than both of me
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Randomize
