i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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