I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
