I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
