I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
