I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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