Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
